being back home is hard. i imagined that i would live in denial for a few days about the permanence of this move home, but eventually i'd hit bottom due to a single earth shattering event, be in a funk for a couple days, then bounce back to my usual vibrant self... this is not true. im not so convinced that theres actually a bottom... i think theres a progression, a series of bottoms, that slowly turns me toward facing life here. im constantly having these moments of, "bah...im gonna be here awhile..." and every time these moments hit, i suddenly want to break down and cry. i always hope that that moment will be the last of its kind, but it never is... i think its gonna be awhile...
i still have trouble sleeping at night... i stay up till 2:30/3 in the morning asking myself, "what am i doing here?" i havent found the answer... i guess its only been 2 weeks, 2 days, and 15 hours... seems a little longer than that...
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